


To Safely Go Home

by SunMonTue



Series: Home [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-31
Updated: 2012-05-31
Packaged: 2017-11-06 09:35:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/417391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunMonTue/pseuds/SunMonTue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kurt is almost ripped away from him Dave takes it upon himself to help him find his way back home to him. Memory loss fic. Fairly fluffy even though that wasn't the intention.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Italiano available: [To Safely Go Home](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6067216) by [ShallICompareThee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShallICompareThee/pseuds/ShallICompareThee)



> Prompt from Karomeled on Tumblr, which was to involve memory loss. I basically read it and my mind exploded with ideas and so…this. This is not a Blaine-friendly fic. Sorry. Also I have no working knowledge of hospitals, only what I learnt this year when my kids had to spend 4 weeks there when they were born, so sorry for all the inaccuracies – just roll with them or feel free to point them out to me for next time, I’m always up for con-crit and learning more.

** CHAPTER ONE **

_Kurt hears a multitude of things. Thinks a multitude of things, as the seconds slow down to hours as he sees the other car spin out and head toward him. ‘ **Oh shit’** is right at the top of the list, along with his dad’s voice ‘ **It ain’t you on the road you gotta worry about, but the other crazies okay?** ’ and finally Dave’s ‘ **Just come home safe okay?** ’ It’s the last that makes him feel sick, because he’s pretty sure he’s not going to be going home, safely or otherwise._

KHDK

Dave doesn’t recognise the number on his phone, but he answers anyway, stomach tight, because Kurt is five hours late, not answering his phone and he _knows_ something has happened. Can feel the knowledge pulling all his nerves tight until he’s about to snap.

            “Good evening sir. I was just ringing to ask you whether you know a Mr Kurt Hummel?”

            “Oh God. Yes. I know him. He’s my…partner.” _Lover. Soul mate. The only person that knows everything about me and loves me anyway. What’s happened? What’s happened? What’s happened?_

            “Are you his Medical Power of Attorney?”

            “Oh god. What’s happened? Where is he?”

            “I’m sorry sir, but could you please tell me, are you his Medical Power of Attorney?”

            “Yes. For fucks sake _yes_. Where is he?”

            He’s already gathering up his keys and jacket, listening as the person on the other end of the line tells him which hospital, the intensive care unit, how Kurt’s stable, but might need more surgery. The fact that he’s already been in surgery to stabilise him washes over him. The drive to the hospital takes too long, everything is taking too long. Finding a park, figuring the way to the ICU, but it all passes in a blur of need to see Kurt. There’s a security guard, and a reception area surrounded by glass and wire, and a woman who he assumes is either a nurse or receptionist or whatever. He goes to the desk, and catches his reflection in the glass. Pale. Drawn. Sick with worry.

            “I got a call. Kurt Hummel. He’s…here.” _Please let him be here._

            “Oh yes…one second.”

            Then there is a doctor, talking about broken bones, punctured lungs, multiple contusions, swelling around the brain and a possible bleed around the heart and the words wash over and around him, drowning him, and he staggers against the nearest wall, crumpling in upon himself. He might look like the strong one in the relationship, but Kurt is his rock, his grounding stone, the strong brave wonderful one…

            “Is he going to live?”

            “I don’t know. He’s alive now though, but I think you appreciate how serious this is. He’s very lucky to be alive. We have him in a medically induced coma. Is there anyone we can ring for you? Just in case?”

            _Just in case._

            _Fuck_.

            He asks them to ring one number.

KHDK

            Artie is at the hospital thirty minutes later, and he takes one look at Dave before taking his phone from Dave’s trembling fingers and ringing Burt Hummel for him. And then Finn. Then a few people Dave hadn’t even thought of. Kurt’s boss. Mercedes. Blaine. Kurt has kept in touch with everyone, and he hears Artie asking Mercedes to pass the news on. That he will let her know the minute he hears any news. His eyes are on the corridor, waiting for the nurses to leave Kurt’s room so he can go back in once they’ve finished doing whatever they need to do, and Artie wheels into his line of vision.

            “Right. Burt’s on the next available flight. Same with Finn. Mercedes sends her love and Blaine is going to come as soon as he can. What do you need?”

            “For this to be a nightmare that I’m going to wake up from…” Dave replies, rubbing hands over his face.

            “Well, I can’t help you there, but here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going to go and sign a waiver, saying they can tell me about Kurt, so I don’t have to keep bugging you. And then I’ll arrange everything with Burt and Finn. I’ll get Maria to drop by your place to grab you some clothes and stuff, so you don’t have to leave…anything else, you call me okay?”

            Dave nods, and Artie reaches to grip his shoulder tightly.

            “He’s a stubborn son-of-a-bitch. He’ll pull through…”

KHDK

            A week later and Kurt still hasn’t properly woken up. None of the doctors are concerned, because somehow they can tell Kurt is making progress. He’s noted that two of the smaller machines are gone this morning, which he supposes is a good thing, and it’s actual hard evidence that something is actually getting better where Kurt is concerned. He’s been taking turns with Burt to sit with him, only one person allowed in at once. Artie has been supplying food for them every night, bringing clean clothes for Dave, instructing him that the last thing Kurt needs to wake up to is a smelly Dave. Finn has come and gone, with plans to return though. Dave can tell he’s badly shaken at how tiny, small and broken Kurt looks lying in the hospital bed, skin the same colour as the sheets. Tubes threading into him as if tying him to life

KHDK

            Kurt wakes on the ninth night, and his whimpers of pain snap Dave out the half sleep-state he’d been in, slouched in the chair beside Kurt’s bed, a blanket draped over him by one of the night-shift nurses. He reaches for the call button, under strict instructions to press it if anything changes. He’s not had to use it yet, and they obviously take him at his word, because there are suddenly three nurses, one asking him what’s happened, the other flicking a light into Kurt’s eyes and the other pressing buttons on one of the remaining machines. He’s pushed toward the door, told that this is good, he can come back in in a minute. So he goes out to ring Burt and tell him Kurt’s awake.

KHDK

            They move Kurt to another ward. His left arm is in plaster, and his legs both in splints, and they’re keeping him sedated so he doesn’t move too much, so the bones can be allowed to knit together, but he has some lucid moments. He can’t talk though, tubing and face mask preventing it, and he just looks confused the whole time his eyes are open, which is only seconds at a time. Despite this Dave is finally starting to relax, starting to accept that Kurt is alive and is finally out of danger. Isn’t going anywhere. Isn’t leaving him.

KHDK

            Kurt doesn’t know what has happened, what weird alternate world he’s in, but he doesn’t like it. It’s painful. And the only person he recognises is his dad, and he looks _terrible_. Like’s he’s aged a decade overnight, but he puts it down to the stress of him being in hospital and his dad’s recent heart attack. Then there’s the other guy who is there nearly every time he opens his eyes. He looks like Karofsky’s better-looking older brother maybe, and he doesn’t even know if Karofsky _has_ an older brother, nor does he care. He wants the mask off his face, and tubes out of his arm, and the fuzzy feeling in his head to go away. He wants to move his limbs, but they feel heavy and weighted down. He can’t even lift his head, so his eyes are the only thing. Even wiggling his fingers and toes takes a supreme amount of effort, making him tired, and he slips back into sleep.

KHDK

            When he wakes next, the mask is gone, and both his dad and the guy he’s mentally dubbed Karofsky senior are sitting at the end of his bed, talking quietly. He’s not sure he wants to interrupt them, because they look very intent on whatever they’re discussing, and then he hears his name, so figures they must be talking about him. Which is weird. He can’t figure out why his dad would be talking to someone about him…unless it has to do with why he’s in hospital.

            “What happened?” His voice sounds croaky, his throat dry and painful. Karofsky senior is on his feet instantly, holding out a cup with a straw in it which he sips at gratefully.

            “You were in a car accident. A bad one. You almost died…” his dad says, and his voice cracks at the end and Kurt wants nothing more than to get up and hug him. Instead Karofsky senior is reaching out a hand and patting his shoulder in a comforting way, which looks weird because there’s no doubting the family resemblance now.

            “Oh. Who hit me? You?” He wants to say more, ask more, but his throat is already aching with the effort, so he goes with as few words as possible. And it’s the only plausible excuse he can think of, this guy being here, was if he was in the other car that hit him. Instead the other guy is starting to look alarmed, eyes flicking to his dad with worry.

            “Go and get a doctor Dave…” his dad says, voice quiet, and Senior Karofsky leaves the room, but not before sending Kurt a look that he has no idea how to interpret. Worry. Pain. Relief. Joy.

            “Hey buddy…uh…what’s the last thing you remember?”

            “Um. School this morning…Rocky Horror for glee club…”

            His dad reaches to get him the water again, and Kurt can tell he’s worried about something.

            “What?”

            “Kurt…that was ten years ago.”

KHDK

            He’d kind of gone into shock then, and then there were more tests, doctors poking and prodding and repeated stupid questions about what year it was. The answer he gave them didn’t change, even though his dad had said it’s now 2020, and he has no reason to doubt his dad, he can’t get his head around it. The doctors have left now, his dad looks exhausted and Senior Karofsky, (who he’s now pretty sure is actually David Karofsky), is hanging back by the door to his room. His dad looks at him, and then at Karofsky and then back at him before standing.

            “You two need to talk. I’m just going to go and get a cup of coffee. I’ll be right back. You want anything Dave?”

            “I’m good for now thanks Burt…”

            It’s weird to hear his dad called Burt, particularly be someone he’s pretty sure he goes to school with. Went to school with? He’s getting confused.

            “So, who are you? You kind of look like a guy I go to school with…”

            “Kurt…” the guy looks physically ill, and he looks down at his hands and then back up at him. “I’m Dave Karofsky…we did go to school together. Uh…”

            “Yeah. I thought it was you. Why are you here?”

            “You recognised me?”

            “Well, I thought maybe you were an older brother or something. Look, I appreciate your concern, but why are you here? I mean, you bully me at school.”

            “I used to bully you. And…it was a long time ago.”

            “Not for me.”

            “I…yeah. Sure. Okay.”

            Karofsky goes silent, and Kurt sighs, because he has no idea why, but this guy looks like he’s lived through the accident as well, but it’s as if all his injuries are internal.

            “I’m sorry okay? I can’t help it. I’m sure you’re a great guy really, but I still don’t get why you’re here.”

            “I…I’m…uh…they said we shouldn’t fill you in too much, to let your memories return naturally…but a lot has happened in ten years.”

            He hadn’t considered it before, what it had actually meant. He’d been busy listening to the doctors catalogue his injuries, rehabilitation, how his home will need to be modified so that he can live in it while he recovers. But ten years. _Gone_. Something he may never get back. He feels panic well up inside him, because where are his friends? Does he even have any? What about a job? And a boyfriend? Has he even had sex? High school graduation? College? He can’t remember anything, he can feel the tears threatening, throat going tight and his body is shaking, and he’s crying and he has no idea if this is delayed shock, but whatever it is really _sucks_.

            “Shhshhshh Kurt…Kurt, it’s okay…we’ll get through this. You’ll get through this…”

            Karofsky’s voice is quiet and soothing and he’s stroking Kurt’s hand, one of the few places that don’t hurt to be touched, but he pulls it away, frowning, because this just doesn’t make any sense. Sure ten years might change a person, but holding hands with a guy that yesterday pushed him into his locker…it just doesn’t seem right somehow. He sees the flash of hurt on Karofsky’s face, but he doesn’t understand why, and he straightens up and stuffs his hands into the pockets of his jeans, coughing to clear his throat.

            “How’re you two goin’?” his dad asks, and he has a cup of coffee in one hand, and a water bottle in the other which he passes to Karofsky without saying anything. Karofsky sets it down, but then excuses himself to use the bathroom, but it just sounds like an excuse to leave…and that’s fine with Kurt, because he still doesn’t get why he’s even here, and maybe with him gone his dad can give him some answers.

            “Dad. Why is Karofsky here?”

            “Dave? Oh…” His dad looks at the door and then back at him, and Kurt recognises the determined set of his mouth.

            “Dave has been here every day and every night since the accident. The only time he’s left you is either when I’ve been here or when the nurses kicked him out. I know I didn’t like it when you two started dating, but I think he’s the only guy that could love you almost as much as I do…”

            “Wait… _he’s gay_? He’s my _boyfriend?_ I have a boyfriend? Oh my Gaga…”

            “You haven’t said that in a long time…” his dad says with a huff of amusement, and Kurt feels the panic starting to return, because of course things have changed. Everything would have changed, but some things are starting to make sense.


	2. Chapter 2

** CHAPTER TWO **

            Dave swipes the tears away and blows his nose, and he avoids looking in the mirror because he always looks like shit when he cries, and there’s nothing he can do to change the fact and looking in a mirror isn’t going to help. His whole body is exhausted. Mind, heart and soul as well. He has Kurt alive, but not whole. And he shouldn’t feel bad about that, because _he’s alive_ , but he’s also not _his._ The doctors are fairly positive about his memory returning, but can’t give a definite time frame, or whether it will be sequential or piecemeal. So he’s in here to cry and rage, and then he’ll go back out and deal with everything. The fact that Kurt looks at him with confusion tinged with fear makes him want to throw up, but if he has to go through the last ten years all over again to be with Kurt then he will.

            He leaves the bathroom cubicle and heads back to Kurt’s room, and stops when he sees Blaine at Kurt’s side, finger stroking down his face, and he feels a sense of relief that Kurt is pulling away from that touch as well, looking at Blaine with a puzzled ‘ _who the fuck are you?’_ look on his face that Dave recognises, if only because it’s so close to his ‘ _who the hell are you trying to kid?’_ look he gives Dave on an almost daily basis. Blaine is talking to Kurt, saying stupid things like how he’ll heal and look just as beautiful as ever, which is bullshit, because even bruised and battered Kurt’s beauty is there, shining. Dave wonders where the hell Burt is, because it’s obvious that Blaine has no idea Kurt doesn’t remember him. Kurt’s eyes flick to his, and instead of fear or wariness there is relief in his eyes and Dave feels his heart swell.

            “Karofsky. Can you make him leave? He’s kind of freaking me out…”

            And with the use of his last name his heart deflates again, but getting rid of Blaine is one job he can do whole-heartedly.

            “You heard the man Anderson, I think it wold be best if you left.”

            “But why? We’re best friends…I’ve been really worried about him…”

            “Yeah, so worried this is your first visit in two weeks. Wow Anderson, you’re a real gem…he’s lost his memory, so you being here means nothing to him,” Dave says, and he keeps his voice quiet out of deference to the fact that they’re in a hospital and he doesn’t want to scare Kurt, or let him know what a complete douche Blaine can really be when it doesn’t suit him otherwise.

            “What, and you being here does? What does he remember of _you_ Karofsky? And he wasn’t awake, he wouldn’t have known if I’d visited or not…”

            “It doesn’t matter what he remembers about me, because at least he remembers me.”

            “He’ll remember me too if we talk for a bit…”

            “Anderson, he was almost killed. Stop being such a selfish fucking arsehole and piss off. He’ll remember you and talk to you when he’s ready…”

            He pushes him out of the room and closes the door in Blaine’s face, leaning against it for a bit and he can’t help but take heart in the fact that Kurt has no recollection of Blaine at all. That the memory loss is that complete. Kurt is watching him, curious.

            “Was he a friend? I mean, is he a friend?”

            “He’s…a pain in my arse. But yeah, he’s your friend. Your ex-boyfriend actually…”

            “Oh. Really? He seems a bit…um, girly?”

            Dave snorts in amusement, because while he agrees he’s never said anything bad about Blaine before, simply because Kurt seems to have blinkers on where Blaine is concerned. Hearing him call Blaine girly is odd, because he’d always though Kurt held Blaine up as the epitome of perfect good looks. And Kurt isn’t exactly an example of raging masculinity himself.

            “So, how many boyfriends have I had?”

            “Just two…”

            “Huh. Good. Well, at least you make more sense than…what was his name? Anderson?”

            Dave’s even more puzzled as to why he makes more sense than Blaine as boyfriend material, and it’s clear that Burt has filled Kurt in a little, because Kurt is looking at him with curiosity, which is a huge improvement on fear. Also he likes hearing Kurt call Blaine by his last name, because no matter how often Kurt reassures him, he’ll always feel slightly threatened by the history they have together.

KHDK

            While he misses _his_ Kurt, he likes the fact that he’s kind of getting to know Kurt all over again. His little bitchy moments, his sulks, his glares…it makes him realise how much Kurt has actually _mellowed_. Except for the glaring. He’ll always do that he hopes, mainly because Dave likes it. Between himself and Burt they’re managing to deal with it all, and they both figure the more Kurt complains the better he’s feeling.

            Another week has passed, and Dave had bought in Kurt’s tablet, loaded with all the recent fashion magazines, and Kurt has spent hours with the thing, eyes bright with delight. He’s slowly starting to heal. The bruising on his face and body has faded to pale yellows and greens, and Dave’s insanely glad that there are no mirrors around, because no matter his apparent age, Kurt would have freaked out if he’d seen himself.

            He’s answered dozens of questions. What Kurt does now. What college he went to. What his hobbies are. A few times he’s caught Kurt watching him, and Dave’s pretty sure he wants to ask about _them,_ but he’s too shy to broach the subject. According to Burt, Kurt was pretty much horrified about sex when he was a teenager, trying to ignore the whole sex-talk Burt had forced upon him, and he’s pretty sure broaching the subject area is probably going to result in embarrassment for both of them when it does come up.

            He’s bought in movies for them to watch, entire TV series he knows Kurt loves but has no memory of. Finn has visited again, and when he’d greeted Kurt with a ‘ _hey bro’_ Dave would swear he saw Kurt’s bottom lip tremble. There’s been no change with the memory loss, so they’ve started filling in gaps, because avoidance is just becoming too difficult. Finn, along with Carol had turned up with a loaded tablet, and taken Kurt on a visual journey, starting with his junior year in high school. That had turned awkward pretty quickly, Kurt asking why he was suddenly wearing a preppy school-boy costume. Finn had gone silent, and Carol had looked at Dave, then at Kurt, and suggested they needed some time alone to talk before dragging Finn out of the room.

            Explaining his actions, how he had treated Kurt, scared him and intimidated him, forced him out of McKinley is one of the hardest things he’s had to do in a long time, but he’s not going to pretend he’s something he’s not. He’s not perfect, and he’s not going to lead Kurt to think he is. He has to have faith that Kurt will forgive him. Again. Kurt listens intently the whole time, eyes never leaving his face. He goes back to flicking through the photos and Dave keeps quiet, unsure what Kurt could possibly be thinking. If this was Kurt _now_ he’d have a fairly good idea, but this is Kurt _then_ , and this Kurt remains a mystery.

KHDK

            “When do you think they’ll let me go home?”

            Dave exchanges a look with Burt, because Kurt had been looking at his father when he asked the question. Dave shrugs, Burt can take this one.

            “I don’t know buddy? And uh…home where exactly?” Burt asks, and he looks at Dave, and it’s become a weird triangle. Kurt looks at him then, eyes wide and then looks back at his dad. If Kurt wants to go back to Lima and stay with his dad then he’s fine with that, because he will follow. They still haven’t talked about what they are now. Kurt knows that they’re boyfriends. But he doesn’t know they live together. Have been together for nearly five years, have lives that lock together like two puzzle pieces. He’ll need to say something.

            “I…home with you?” Kurt asks his dad, and his voice is quiet and imploring, and Dave aches, because he can’t fix this, and he really _really_ wants to.

            “If you want to go back to Lima we can arrange it no problem…” Dave says, wanting him to know, but Burt looks between them and smiles.

            “I know you’re an expert on Kurt now Dave, but I’m an expert on teenage Kurt…”

            Kurt looks between them and isn’t looking impressed. “I am right here you know…” he interjects, and he’s glaring at both of them and Dave just _aches_ because that look is just pure Kurt, and it’s also completely inappropriate to get turned on by an angry Kurt when A, his dad is sitting right there; and B, he has the mind of his teenage self.

            “I know buddy. But we’re in New York. You live in New York. You sure you want to go back to Lima?”

            “I live in _New York?_ ”

            Burt sends a smug look at Dave as he nods, and Dave isn’t sure how Kurt’s missed this fact. He’s read the New York Times in this room every day, he’s told Kurt how they go for walks in Central Park, how Kurt works as a fashion designer, how Kurt has dragged him to so many shows he’s lost count…

            “You live in New York. With Dave. If you want to come back to Lima you can…but the house won’t be familiar. We moved to live with Carol and Finn…”

            “I live in New York…” Kurt repeats, and despite his confusion as to why Kurt hasn’t realised that they’re in New York, Dave grins.

KHDK

            He watches Karofsky a lot. He knows that they’re technically the same age, but he feels like he has a school-boy crush on a teacher, except the guy is actually gay and loves him. Apparently. It’s weird and scary and _everything_ all at once. While Karofsky talks Kurt watches his lips, and he knows he’s probably kissed those lips, probably done more than just kiss. Hopefully done more anyway. Sex kind of scares him, but he has to admit that he’s insanely curious. He’s watched Karofsky’s arms, they look all firm and muscular and he wants to reach out and touch them sometimes. He’s watched long fingers slide across a tablet screen, eyes crinkle into smiles and laughter, tongue wet his lips as he talks. He’s pretty sure he’s missed some of the things Karofsky has said, simply because he’s been too distracted with _watching._

            He’s learnt a fair bit from watching though. He can tell that his dad likes and respects him. That Karofsky and Finn get on really well in that mysterious fist-bumping way some guys have. How Artie has visited every second day without fail and bought Karofsky clean clothes or meals and they’ve shared jokes and Karofsky has asked after someone called Maria every time. All of this he weighs up against Blaine’s view, when he had sat there and tried to sensationalize all of Karofsky’s angry lashing out over ten years ago. How Karofsky had kissed him, threatened to kill him and forced him to transfer. It was as if he was trying to get him to hate Karofsky.

If Karofsky hadn’t already methodically listed all of his transgressions against him with downturned eyes Kurt may have been alarmed by Blaine’s out-pouring of scorn and obvious distaste. Instead he’d listened and been a bit bewildered as to why he was friends with a guy so eaten up with apparent hate. Apart from Karofsky saying that Blaine was a pain in his arse, he’s said nothing bad about him, and it’s pretty freaking obvious by his body language and changed demeanour that he doesn’t like Blaine. Which he can understand, because if Karofsky was friends with his ex-boyfriend Kurt can’t see him liking the guy much either. So he ignores Blaine, because his dad and Finn and Artie all like him, and he trusts them over some guy he doesn’t even remember.

KHDK

            He thinks while he’s massaged and stretched, the on-going physiotherapy giving him plenty of time to dwell in his thoughts and distract him from the pain in his body. He’s very quickly come to realise that knowing things and experiencing things are completely different. He knows so _much_ now. About what his life has been like. _Is_ like. But the knowledge is useless, and some of it scares him. He doesn’t remember college, and he would have used what he learnt there in his job, which means he probably can’t do his job any more. He lives with Karofsky. Has been in a relationship with him for nearly five years…except he doesn’t even remember ever being kissed at all. Let alone sharing his live with someone who isn’t his dad.

            He’s been trying to think of Karofsky as Dave. He’s seen the flashes of pain every time he uses Karofsky, and he doesn’t do it intentionally to be hurtful, doesn’t want to hurt him. Calling him Dave has the added benefit of disassociating him slightly from Karofsky and the bully he was and occasionally still remind him of, although it lessens every day. There has been nothing in his behaviour to indicate he would do anything but worship Kurt, and that knowledge makes him feel quite powerful, having someone so clearly in love with him.

            However he’s not in love with him. He likes spending time with him, can definitely understand being attracted to him (because well, he’s _hot)_ , but there’s no depth of feeling there. He definitely can’t return what it is that Dave feels for him and doesn’t know if he ever will be able to, because he can’t recapture a five-year relationship. There is sometimes awkwardness between them, and Kurt’s fairly certain that if he had all his memories that awkwardness wouldn’t exist. That they’d probably be able to communicate without words. He does like Dave though, feels that maybe he could grow to love him, if it weren’t for the fact that he sometimes feels so _young_ in comparison. He tries not to dwell on the cruel thought that he’s a teenager trapped in a twenty-something old body, because he’s pretty sure he’d have a lot more fun the other way around.

KHDK

            When he’s finally allowed to leave it’s with a list of do’s and don’ts as long as his arm. He has a wheelchair which he can’t push because of his broken arm, and crutches which he can’t use for the same reason. He can walk, but his legs are wobbly. They’re getting stronger though, and he’s got a cane to help him for short distances, and it makes him feel ancient, but he uses it anyway, because he wants more than anything to be able to walk and dance like he remembers, and it makes him feel slightly more independent. He doesn’t complain. Artie’s visits are a regular reminder how lucky he is that he _will_ walk again.

            Dave’s apartment is amazing. He knows it his apartment as well, but he has no recollection of picking out any of the pieces of furniture or art or…anything. He walks around, eyes travelling over pictures of him and Dave, his dad, friends he recognises with added years, and other people that are strangers. It’s not familiar at all, and he can tell that both his dad and Dave are waiting for him to suddenly have a _eureka_ moment and claim all his memories are back. Dave is the first to snap his attention back to the present, and pushes Kurt through the apartment, giving him a tour.

            “This is…uh…your room …”

            It’s obvious that it’s _their_ bedroom, and Kurt knows Dave is planning on sleeping in their home office or something, at least until his dad vacates the guest room, and a small part of him wants to suggest that they just share. He keeps his mouth closed though, because as curious as he is he’s not ready for anything like that.

            “Feel free to go through things. This is your bedroom, make yourself at home. Go through your clothes and things. Make them familiar again okay?”

            Kurt nods his head jerkily, because it’s what has been recommended, and he is curious about what clothes he wears now. Dave definitely dresses better, usually in jeans and a button-down shirt, but he’s never seen and distinguishable labels on his clothes so can’t tell what brand they are. Going through his wardrobe might provide some answers. He’s been wearing sweats which had still had the tags on, and he gets that he needs these clothes right now, but it doesn’t mean he has to like them, and he’s curious about his own wardrobe as well. Dave unhooks his cane from behind him and lays it across his lap, says to call him if he needs anything and to feel free to take a nap if he wants to.

            He gets up slowly, testing his legs, before going to the wardrobe doors and pulling them open. He knows it is shallow but he feels a ridiculous sense of relief that he clearly still has a sense of style. He scans through the clothes, and then reaches for a shirt, one that is clearly Dave’s. It’s smart and understated, with fine details like double stitching around the collar and the buttons sewn on with variegated thread. There’s no care label and Kurt’s pretty sure he’s holding something that has been custom made for Dave. Then he realises that _he_ probably made it for Dave. He hangs the shirt back up and closes the doors, backing away slowly and thoughtfully.

            He moves to the bed, sitting on it to rest. Even though Dave said to go through things he feels like a nosey friend, poking into a life that isn’t his own. Finding out that he makes clothes for Dave… it’s a very personal thing, especially considering how closely he ties his own identity in with how he dresses. The fact that Dave lets him make clothes, and _wears_ them is…touching. He knows Dave is an accountant, but that’s the limit, but for Dave to be so clearly in support of his own job, wearing clothes Kurt has made. And okay, he’s good at making clothes, even better now if that shirt is anything to go by, but it’s still very pleasing, to have clothes he’s made being worn by someone else. Even if he doesn’t remember making them.

The bedside cabinet catches his eye, and feeling incredibly voyeuristic he pulls the top draw out slowly, being as quiet as possible to peer inside. _Condoms. Lube_. _Tissues._ He slams the drawer shut before he can pay attention to anything else, he knows his face is red and he can hear rapid footsteps heading towards him. He’s not sure why he feels so shocked, he’s figured that he and Dave have had sex. It’s just seeing evidence too damning to ignore…

            “You okay?”

            “Uh, yeah. Fine. Just…fine. I’m fine. Freaking out a bit, but I’m fine. Thanks. You can go back to talking to my dad about…whatever.”

            Dave’s eyes flick around the room and he must catch something, because he settles on the draw.

            “Oh. _Oh_. Right…” He coughs, clearing his throat. “If the top draw freaked you out, you should probably stay away from the bottom draw…”

            Dave smiles tightly, and Kurt has become fairly good at reading the different types of Dave’s smiles, and this one is fighting between amusement and agonised recollection. It’s one of the more common smiles he sees. His curiosity gets the better of him and he leans down to pull open the bottom draw and he’s not so completely stupid to not recognise a dildo, or a vibrator…there’s smaller things, which look almost like miniature torture devices. He tries to not think about where these have been. He’s clearly more comfortable with the idea of sex in the future, but he’s not even sure what most of these things are for. He’s never talked to anyone about sex before, and he’d been too terrified of his dad finding out to go on the internet and search for information. He goes to close the draw again, not wanting to touch anything but a small box catches his eye and he reaches for it. He fully expects it to be some weird kinky _thing_ he doesn’t know about, but he recognises a jewellery box when he sees one. He opens it carefully, because it could still contain something weird and his heart starts beating double-time because he recognises what’s inside. Anyone would. Two rings.

KHDK

            His journey up the hallway is slow, and he enters the lounge on shuffling feet. Both Dave and his dad turn to him, and the concern in both their eyes is almost identical. Dave is already on his feet, moving towards him and he holds the box out.

            “Did you mean for me to find these?” Kurt asks, and that was the only thing he could think of, that they’re rings that Dave has bought, but Dave has taken the box, and there’s no sign of recognition on his face. _Oh blast._ He’s only just realised that he was going through _his_ bedside table, not Dave’s…Confirmation comes in a flood when Dave snaps the box open and his eyes widen and then flick up to Kurt.

            “I’ve never seen these before…”

            Kurt feels terrible. The look on Dave’s face is one of absolute heartache, and he’s just realised that with the knowledge that Dave loves him absolutely comes a power to hurt him irreparably. He wants to snatch the rings back, rewind time, actually fucking _think_ about the possible consequences of his actions. Dave is backing away from him and Kurt feels like slumping against the wall, because he didn’t mean to hurt him, he’s fairly certain he’s never felt as bad as he does right now, emotionally.

            “I need to go out…Burt can you…”

            “You go. We’ll be fine.”

            Kurt watches him shrug a jacket on and leave without even a backward glance, jewellery box clutched in his hand.


	3. Chapter 3

** CHAPTER THREE **

            He rides the subway in silence. He’s not going anywhere. Just needs the anonymity and time and not-quite silence to help him think. To process. Kurt was going to propose. That’s what the rings tell him. That Kurt no doubt had some completely over-the-top plan for either their five-year anniversary or Dave’s upcoming twenty-seventh birthday. He feels a bit like he’s lost a piece of Kurt all over again, because Kurt now doesn’t know when their anniversary is, or Dave’s birthday. He knows Kurt wasn’t trying to be hurtful or malicious. He’d seen it on his face, but it doesn’t do anything to ease the pain of loss.

            He’s also had to endure another ‘ _talk’_ from Burt, telling him that despite his five year history and relationship with Kurt if he even thinks of laying a finger on Kurt without his express consent… well, Burt Hummel can be a very scary man when he wants to be. And as if he would ever touch Kurt without it being reciprocal anyway, and Kurt thinking he’s only seventeen. Well, he doesn’t need to feel worse about his attraction, he feels enough guilt as it is. It’s hard sometimes though, not being able to touch him, just the casual brushes of hands, squeezes of upper arms, gentle kisses… Since Kurt has woken up he’s kept his hands firmly to himself, and it stings a bit that Burt hasn’t noticed that, would think so little of him despite the last five years.

KHDK

            Kurt’s pretty sure he’s only survived the car crash so that he can die from embarrassment. His dad is talking about sex. Gay-sex. Sex with Dave. How he shouldn’t feel pressured just because of their history or because he’s found evidence of just how much he loves the guy… He can only think that fate is a cruel cruel mistress, making him live through two sex talks with his father. Although he can only remember this one, he’s sure if he gets his memory back he’ll have the joint embarrassment of both to deal with. He sits in silence, face red, studying his hands. He’s pretty much trapped, legs tired from the walking around, wheelchair still in the bedroom, so he can’t walk away. His dad leans forward and tilts his face up, forcing him to meet his eyes.

            “I love you, and Dave loves you. You just gotta love yourself as well okay? Give it time and don’t rush in to anything. Okay?”

            “Okay dad…” Kurt mumbles, and he’s agreeing just to get his dad to _stop talking_.

            “Good. Well then. This went better than last time. Back then you really didn’t want to know, shoved your hands over your ears and chanted _la la la_ at me until I forced you to listen.”

            He blinks. If only he’d thought of that _this_ time as well.

KHDK

            Over the next couple of days they fall into a quiet routine. It’s _boring_. Kurt’s not sure if it’s like this all the time and he leads a really boring life, or if his dad and Dave are trying to keep quiet and calm to help him heal. He was getting more stimulation at the hospital, joking with the nurses and watching people walk past his door. Now he has the TV and programmes which make weird references some times. He’s got his own things he has to do. The physiotherapy, exercises, and he does them almost obsessively until his dad comes over and tells him to stop or he’ll do more harm than good. None of it changes the fact that he’s _bored_ of being stuck in an apartment. It feels lazy and restrictive, and he kind of wants to dance around the room with excited jumps, because his life sounds pretty good really, even if it is boring. His dad is alive and happily married, he’s got a hot _boyfriend_ and he lives in New York and works as a fashion designer. He can’t imagine anything more perfect. Except maybe being on stage, but he’ll take fashion designer. He’s sure if he was working, or able to go out and explore the city, he’d be over his boredom very quickly, except his dad has put his foot down, saying he has to give himself a week at home. And while Dave had snorted in amusement, clearly not expecting Kurt to go along with it, he can’t bring himself to disobey his father. And it’s not like he can run out without assistance.

            Things are awkward between him and Dave. At least, he feels awkward, and he’s not sure if it’s teenage hormones, because he shouldn’t have those anymore right? Or whether it’s his dad insisting on the sex talk. But now every time he looks at Dave he’s pretty sure he’s blushing. It doesn’t help when Dave appears fully dressed in a suit, looking even hotter than normal saying he has to go in to work.

            “I have my phone on. I shouldn’t be later than six. Will you be okay?”

            Kurt has to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Remind himself forcefully that he almost died. Dave has a right to feel worried. Even if it is completely unjustified.

            “I’ll be fine. My dad’s here, and Blaine is coming around later…”

            “Right. Okay. Well…I hope you have fun.”

            There’s an awkward pause, and Kurt’s pretty sure that’s where a goodbye kiss would slot in, but instead Dave shrugs and leaves, hand raising in a wave to his dad.

KHDK

            Blaine is a puzzle. This weird out-of-place piece in his life, and he can’t figure out where he is meant to fit in exactly. He wishes he knew, because it would make dealing with him a hell of a lot easier. He’s given up bad mouthing Dave at least, instead switching tacks to regale him with numerous stories about how great high school and college was. How he transferred to McKinley because he loved Kurt so much. How he followed him to New York for the same reason. It makes him feel uncomfortable, but he doesn’t say anything, because he’s still effectively a stranger, despite all the little anecdotes he’s telling one after the other.

            Blaine doesn’t seem to get bored with doing all the talking, and he does talk. It’s actually making Kurt start to appreciate the quiet silences between himself and Dave, even if they’re sometimes awkward, at least he has _conversations_ with Dave. Even if they’re about TV shows, or the weather, or how his dad is terrible at hiding the evidence that he had pizza for lunch again, Dave tries on a daily basis to engage him in conversation, rather than talk at him like Blaine is doing.

KHDK

            “So how was your day?” Dave asks, and it’s the first chance he’s had to sit down and talk with Kurt without Burt there in a while, with Burt having excused himself to call Carol.

            “It was interesting. Blaine is…odd. Has he changed a lot since I went out with him?”

            “Uh…I don’t know him that well. Then, or now.”

            “Why is that?”

            Dave doesn’t think ‘ _because he’s a douche’_ is going to be an acceptable answer, so he just shrugs.

            “I kind of feel sorry for him…I mean, he came to visit and all he did was moan about how awful his life is. How he doesn’t have a job right now. And he’s single and…he doesn’t have anything positive to say. It’s kind of depressing.”

            Dave doesn’t know what to say, because Kurt’s pretty much just summed up how he feels about Blaine. Well, he missed out the self-centred selfish jackass bit, but close enough.

            “Whenever you come back from hanging out with him you’re generally down for a day or two… like you don’t think you deserve to be happy or something. And he only makes an effort to see you when his life isn’t going his way. I just…I don’t like him very much.”

            Kurt cocks his head to one side and studies him and he fidgets nervously. He’s always been careful to never say anything negative about Blaine, terrified in the beginning that Kurt would defend him and get rid of Dave like yesterday’s coffee.

            “You’ve…you’ve never said anything bad about him before…”

            Dave shrugs again, doesn’t bother denying it, and he finds it a bit unnerving that even without his memories Kurt can see him. The real him. It gives him some hope.

            “He’s your best friend Kurt. I get that. I don’t mind –“

            “I rather think that _you’re_ my best friend actually,” he replies, and Dave flushes warm and dips his head, because that’s how he’s felt about Kurt for years now, and the tiny spark of hope has set to a warm flicker in his heart. He’s had a question clattering around in his head for days, weeks now, and he really wants to ask. Rather, he wants to know the answer.

            “Can I ask you a question?”

”Of course…I can’t promise I’ll know the answer, but you can always ask.”

            “You said…back in the hospital…that I made more sense than Blaine. What did you mean?”

            He’s embarrassed in asking, but judging from the warmth in Kurt’s cheeks he’s just as embarrassed about answering. He feels like an idiot, but it’s always something that’s bothered him, something Kurt has always brushed off and reassured him that he likes Dave’s body just how it is.

            “Oh. Well…um. My first crush was Finn…and then…Sam. Tiny crush on Noah… I thought I’d go for a guy that was bigger than me. Physically I mean.”

            Kurt’s face is bright red now, and he’s avoiding looking anywhere but at the floor, which is fine with him, because he’s pretty much been stunned in to silence. He’s never thought of it that way.

            “I just…can’t understand why he’s my first boyfriend if you were around…”

            Dave goggles and gapes and when Kurt finally looks up at him he’s pretty sure he must look like a clown. He tries every day to understand how Kurt must feel, how he might view this weird little world he’s in, and some days it’s almost as if he’s never forgotten, but then moments like these…

            “I wasn’t out in high school. I made your life miserable. I struggled with accepting my sexuality for _years_ , while you just…you seemed to flourish. Proud that you were different. Blaine was the only out gay guy you had met back then… There must have been others, but he kind of… took you and helped you stand up to me and… he was there for you when no one else could be.”

            Dave doesn’t like talking about Blaine like this, making him sound _good_. He knows he’s not evil or vindictive, but he just feels so inferior when Blaine is around, doesn’t like the fact that he’s also seen Kurt naked and kissed him and held him while he sleeps. Hearing Kurt’s confusion as to why he was ever with Blaine is…almost freeing.

            “So I dated Blaine because I had no other option?”

            “Uh…yeah. I suppose. If you put it like that…” and he realises it’s true. If he’d been a completely different person ten years ago, his life would likely be completely different. Kurt is nodding as if things are finally making sense and Dave

KHDK

            His dad packs slowly, and Kurt watches him, legs banging softly against the side of the guest bed. He’s much stronger now, two weeks later. Daily sessions in a pool with his physiotherapist are paying off, and he now has a fibreglass light-weight cast. He’s been able to ditch the wheelchair, although he still relies on the cane toward the end of the day, when he’s more tired. If he didn’t know he’d lost his memory, he’d say he feels almost completely normal.

            “You really okay with me leaving? You still don’t really know Dave that well…”

            “Dad. I’ve spent nearly all day every day with him for the last eight weeks. He at least qualifies as my best friend now…”

KHDK

            He’s spoken to Mercedes over the internet, and she has aged fantastically, which she’d laughed at and called him a charmer when he told her. People have apparently been sending him e-mails, but he can’t remember the password to check them, so they’ve all been redirected to Dave, who has given him free reign of his e-mail account to catch up with all his friends. It’s bittersweet, talking to them, because it drives home the fact that he’s lost ten years, but also makes him realise that he’s drifted from some of these people as he’s gotten older, all of them clearly absorbed in their day-to-day lives and finding it difficult to keep in touch, especially considering their scattered locations.

            He sees Artie on a regular basis though. He loves it. Artie puts up with he repeated ‘ _remember whens’_ and listens, and tells him stories about the crazy things the Glee Club did. He can’t get enough of it. Artie works as a music producer, still small fry in a much larger company, but Kurt learns that Dave is the one who got him the job, because it’s the same company that Dave works for as an accountant. And he’s not sure when it happened, but Dave and Artie seem to be very close friends. He likes watching them interact. He’s gone into work with Dave a couple of times now that his dad has gone home, mainly just to get out of the apartment, and because Dave seems reluctant to leave him alone. Before the accident he must have gone in to Dave’s work on a regular basis, because everyone knows him, and he smiles awkwardly and gives little smiles when they greet him as if they’ve known him for years. He keeps close to Dave’s side, a bit unnerved.

            His dad leaving has been good for one thing. His boredom is alleviated almost instantly when Dave vacates their home office to move into the guest room. Their home office is like a magical play land, one that has been hidden from him until now. It’s easily the biggest room in the apartment, and when Dave had first taken him inside he’d simply _stared_. It was all his outfit and costume making dreams come true. A cutting table, an over locker, an embroidery machine, standard sewing machine, a drafting board and bolts and bolts of fabric. It’s organised just the way he would organise it and it’s the first sense of homecoming he’s felt since he woke up, that he’s actually in his life and not someone else’s. He’d almost cried at the relief.

He’s spent every spare moment in there, figuring what everything is and he’s made himself some clothes. Dave sits at his desk and watches, and he’s smiling each time Kurt catches him out of the corner of his eye, and he figures that doing what he’s doing is probably the most normal and usual thing Dave has seen so far, and he likes this new smile, it’s shy and sweet and he wants to see more of it.

KHDK

            The day the cast comes off Kurt’s arm, the last outward physical reminder that he was almost killed, Dave’s made plans. He’s been careful, as per the doctors instructions, to not over stimulate Kurt or to exhaust him. His energy is being channelled towards mending and getting well. The doctors have run a battery of tests, taken x-rays and an MRI. Kurt’s sat through it all patiently, reading the latest Vogue magazine on his tablet, answering questions and tests. It’s been three months, and when he takes the neurologist aside to ask whether the memory loss is permanent he’s given a shrug, and told he should live and act as if it is. The doctor follows it up with a statement that the brain is a funny thing, and just because it is unlikely doesn’t mean it is impossible. He’d kind of slipped into white noise for a moment. He’d been secretly hoping that they’d say something else. He forces himself out, turning to Kurt who is on the phone to his dad, telling him he’s been given the all-clear physically, with on-going physiotherapy for his legs and arm. He’s grinning at something his dad says, still smiling when he meets Dave’s eyes and _hold._ It feels like forever before Kurt blushes and averts his eyes again, but Dave feels a sudden sense of wellness, because Kurt isn’t unaffected by him. It’s gratifying, but also a relief, because if the attraction had been all one-sided he would have felt even more uncomfortable, not to mention inappropriate. He can’t imagine it being any easier for Kurt, thinking and feeling that Dave is so much older than him, although ten years isn’t much, it is also a lifetime. He’s gotten used to the idea, had to if he wants a future with Kurt, which he does, so he’s persevered., and he’s glad he has now, with the doctor’s words still repeating themselves in his mind.

            “So…I was thinking of going out tonight. Dinner and then a show…”

            He knows he has said the right thing, because Kurt’s face lights up.

            “I’d…really like that. Is it…a date?”

            It’s asked shyly, quietly, and he can’t help but find it completely adorable, but he also realises that _yes_ , it needs to be a date. He’s nodding as he’s thinking it, and Kurt blushes and looks away. He’s glad Kurt has asked, because it’s just made him realise, rather belatedly, that if he actually wants a relationship with Kurt then he needs to start from scratch.

KHDK

            “Oh my…this is the _Gershwin Theatre_ …” Kurt says in a reverent tone and Dave grins at him, nods and holds out a hand which Kurt takes with one more awestruck look around.

            “Every time we come here, you tell me a story about the time you and Rachel broke in when you guys were here for Nationals. We’ve been here a lot, so I’ll probably get the story work perfect,” Dave says, and he’s still grinning, Kurt’s hand warm in his, hanging on his every word.

KHDK

            Kurt’s getting frustrated. His physiotherapy is going well, he’s actually been into his actual place of work and talked things over with his boss, an intimidating man who had been lovely really, but had looked very scary. Dave had been with him though, this constant beside him. Dave’s with him most of the time, and except for the handholding when they’re on official dates (of which there have now been three), physical contact is non-existent. He gets that Dave is probably trying to be all gentlemanly, but he’s starting to get annoyed at how _careful_ Dave is, not even a casual brush of hands or sitting on the same sofa while they watch TV.

He’s pretty sure Dave is picking up on it. Picking up on something anyway, because Kurt’s snapped at him a couple of times, in response to the gentlest of questions. He feels terrible afterwards, wants to apologise, but hasn’t managed to yet. Dave makes no big deal of it, just brushes it off and goes on with whatever he was doing. It makes Kurt wonder just what kind of bitch he is in ten years, and he really hopes he’s not. That he’s someone worthy of Dave. Because he feels pretty lucky to have Dave in his life. He knows Dave isn’t perfect, because he leaves dirty dishes in the sink when the dishwasher is _right there_ , and he leaves toothpaste spittle on the chrome taps in the bathroom, and there’re probably dozens of little things that he doesn’t even know about yet. However they all fade into insignificance when Dave smiles, or brings Kurt a book about the last decade of fashion trends, or takes him to see the same show three times because he can’t get enough of it….

They’re in the kitchen when it happens, Kurt unpacking the dishwasher and Dave brushes past him, putting something away behind him.

            “Sorry,” Dave murmurs, and he snaps.

            “I’m not going to break if you touch me.”

            “I…Kurt. I know that. I…”

            “I know you’re not going to hurt me…”

            “It’s not about hurting you Kurt…Even if you had every single memory of me in your head, I’d still be careful about touching you okay? Your body is still healing and I don’t want to brush against you and have you fall to the floor okay?”

            “Have a little faith. I’m _not_ that fragile.”

            For a moment Dave looks like he wants to disagree, but he shrugs in that way he has, as if it’s not worth his energy to argue, and it’s _irritating_.

            “I’m _not_ ,” Kurt insists and despite him turning away Kurt sees the little twitch at the corner of his mouth. “What’s so funny?”

            “I…you’d have called me out weeks ago if you had your memory. You’d have said something and demanded that I stop treating you like an invalid…probably while you were still in hospital.”

            “Oh…right. Well then. _Good_. Stop treating me like an invalid. I’m fine. I feel completely normal.”

            “Okay then. I’ll try. But… I want you to feel…safe here. It’s your home too. When we first started uh…dating, we had separate apartments. Here, there’s only your bedroom, so you can’t really escape me. So, if I do or say anything that you don’t like, or annoys you… well, don’t hold back. You don’t hold back. You’ve never held yourself back, so don’t start now just to protect my feelings okay?”

            Kurt nods, because he can believe what Dave is saying all too easily. He’s never been one to quietly go and follow. And Dave is sweet and understanding, and he wants to let him know the same things. That it’s his home as well, and he needs to be just as comfortable as Kurt.

            “If you want to touch me you can,” Kurt blurts, and his eyes widen in shock at how that sounds. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that you don’t have to be so careful to _not_ touch me. _Shit._ ” He hardly ever swears, but he’s babbling, and Dave is _laughing_. He glares at him.

            “It’s fine Kurt. I get what you mean. It’s a two way street though. You can touch me…uh…as well. In the same way. Um. Yeah. Don’t worry about offending me, or leading me on… I’m a big boy.”

            “Um…okay,” Kurt says, and he knows he’s blushing again, because despite his best efforts he couldn’t help but wonder how big Dave’s penis is when he said big boy.

KHDK

            Later, when they sit down to watch TV, Dave sits on the sofa with him.

KHDK

            It’s another two dates before Kurt decides to initiate a kiss. He’s pretty sure that while apparently Dave has the patience of a saint, he also has a severe guilt complex over the fact that he’s mentally a teenager… not that Dave acts all that grown up sometimes, tonight a case in point where he’s dragged Kurt to watch an action film involving super heroes of some kind. He’d been a bit put out, until Dave had playfully nudged him and said ‘ _hey, even you have to admit they look good._ ’

            So before Dave opens the door to the apartment, because that’s what signifies the end of the date, he tugs on Dave’s hand, halting him in his search for his keys. He has no idea what to do, this is going to be his first kiss, and he has to do it fast, before he chickens out, so he just lunges forward, lips pursed and he pecks Dave’s bottom lip quickly and pulls back. He only got his bottom lip because Dave is staring at him with his mouth agape. He seems to shake himself out of whatever fog he’s in and tugs Kurt back toward him.

            “You sure about this?”

            Kurt nods, a short sharp staccato movement. He doesn’t think he’s ever been surer of anything.

             “Just…”

             “A kiss…I get it…”

            Dave cups his face, gentle caresses of his cheekbones with the pads of his thumbs and Dave’s lips are warm and soft, and he feels his body sway forward. It’s just a soft warm pressure, gentle. He knows Dave is holding back, and he’s grateful for that, because a herd of butterflies have taken flight in his stomach, and he’s feeling all tight and tingly, and when Dave pulls back with a soft shy smile on his face Kurt has to smile back, equally shy. Dave fishes the keys out of his pocket and opens the door to the apartment.

            “Goodnight Kurt.”

KHDK

            He wakes up shaking, body slick and cold with sweat, stomach heaving with fear. Flashes of images he can’t piece together in his head and all he can remember is a sense of terror, dread and Dave’s face.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed/favourited/alerted. This is the first fic I have ever written as a prompt for someone else – thanks to Karomeled for the prompt and letting me completely warp it to suit my mind. This fic is also the first multi-chapter fic I have ever completed (TWB is the first one I started), so it will always hold a special place, even when in future years I look back and no doubt cringe. Happy New Year to everyone out there, please be safe.
> 
> WARNING: Mild smut. (For me anyway). Um. It’s just a heavy make out session, would be the best way of describing it. There is an orgasm involved. If you don’t know what that is you shouldn’t be reading this.

** CHAPTER THREE **

            Dave is out of bed before his mind and body are even awake. He can hear Kurt crying, and he imagines this is what new parents must feel like, responding on auto-pilot to their child’s cries. He staggers down the hallway, one hand on the wall, unable to make out even the tiniest flicker of light because his eyes feel glued shut. He turns the handle to the bedroom and the sounds of Kurt in distress increase in volume. He rubs at his eyes, trying to clear them enough so he can at least make out the room. He wants to flick on the light, but doesn’t know if that will be helpful or not, so leaves it and moves toward the bed. His eyes have adjusted now that they’re open properly, and thankfully Kurt has a lamp dimmed all the way down sitting on beside table.

            The utter terror in Kurt’s eyes when he looks at him makes his body freeze, and he kneels so he isn’t looming over him. Despite the churning in his gut at seeing Kurt so clearly petrified he can’t help but hope that maybe something has jogged his brain, that memories have clicked into place.

            “Kurt…are you alright?” He keeps his voice quiet, just above a whisper. He’s pretty sure Kurt is awake, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Kurt suddenly started experiencing waking night terrors or something. He has no idea how the mind works, although he has a better idea now than he did six months ago.

            “I…yeah. Just…A nightmare. I think. I…was scared. Terrified of something. But I don’t know what exactly…”

            He can tell Kurt is holding something back but he’s not going to push him. Kurt’s skin is pale and shiny, and Dave’s pretty sure he feels fragile. What he wants most is to wrap his arms around him and tell him it’ll be okay, but he can’t. Especially not when he’s just realised he’s kneeling there in just his pyjama pants. It’s weird to feel like an intruder in his own bedroom, but he’s gotten used to thinking of it as solely Kurt’s room.

“You think you’ll be okay?”

            “Um…Can you stay? Please? At least until I fall asleep?”

            Kurt’s eyes are still wide with _something,_ which make him pause, but then he nods, going to get the duvet off his bed.  He will never be able to say no to Kurt, but he’s not going to curl up in his bed under the blankets with him, not when he’s starting to forget that there’s so much Kurt doesn’t remember.

KHDK

            He wakes up to Dave’s chest. Somehow he’s burrowed down and made himself eyelevel with tan nipples and a hair covered chest. He kind of wants to reach out and touch, but he doesn’t, instead trying to get his head around the fact that he’s just slept with a guy. And sure there were clothes and duvets separating them, but he still feels like he’s broken several rules and his dad is going to ground him for the next month or something.

            He remembers the dream. It’s all jumbled, just feelings and sensations, the only clear image is Dave, but it’s Dave _now_. It confuses him. He remembers pain, and being thrown against something, and he thinks that maybe he’s starting to remember what Dave did to him in high school, because he’s been told about that time by Dave, Blaine, his Dad and to a lesser extent Finn. It seems like the only logical conclusion, except it doesn’t feel right, because he’s sure he’d remember Dave’s face from _then_ , not now. It’s frustrating, trying to grasp at something that just keeps slipping from his reach. Knowing it is there, waiting for him to grab hold of and to have it just dissolve into mist.

            He slides out of the bed, carefully and slowly so he doesn’t wake Dave. Despite the sense of panic and terror from his dream he isn’t afraid of Dave, which is disconcerting, although he’s fighting back hysterical laughter that he’s just slept with someone. He’s glad it’s Dave, because he’s sure he’s in love with him. Fallen in love with him. Again. He tiptoes across the room, and it’s carpet, so he probably doesn’t need to, but he’s feeling dramatic. He stares at his reflection in the mirror. He generally tries to avoid looking at his reflection, because he looks so _old_. He still looks good though, but there’re fine lines around his eyes when he smiles, and on his forehead as well. However, he’s broadened out and his face has lost the roundness and dreaded puppy-fat. He looks like a man, which is kind of reassuring, because he knows he could have passed as a girl if he’d wanted to when he was a teenager. He wonders when he started changing and decides to go through all the photos again, see if it helps slot things in to place or help settle the images in his mind that he can’t see.

            His body feels old. Stiff, sore and his musculature is only just starting to reappear after weeks of physio. He knows the lack of muscle definition is because of the accident, but he wonders how he keeps fit now. He hasn’t seen any gym gear lying about the apartment, and he can’t imagine himself going running, especially on the streets of New York. He takes a leisurely shower, and he feels more relaxed when he steps out into the steamed up room, not as anxious about the already faded images from his dream. He wraps his bathrobe around him and when he opens the door quietly to bedroom Dave is no longer there.

KHDK

            The first time Kurt kisses him good bye in the morning when he leaves for work he just stands there in startled silence, before Kurt had laughed at him, pushed him towards the door and told him to go to work. When he’d received another kiss when he got home he was slightly more prepared, but still startled. They’re nothing more than innocent little pecks to his cheek, but they _mean_ so much more. That Kurt is becoming comfortable. Relaxed.

            He knows something has happened, because Kurt has reorganised all of the photos into chronological order and flicks through them on his tablet on a regular basis. He asks more questions, specific questions which Dave only sometimes has the answer to. He doesn’t remember what was served for Christmas dinner two years ago, or what Kurt’s favourite piece of clothing is (he’s pretty sure he doesn’t have just _one_ ). He does know what Kurt’s favourite foods are, how he likes his coffee, his shoe size, and what he looks like after sex… He hasn’t mentioned the nightmare again, and maybe it was just that, but Dave still has tiny seeds of hope that it’s more. He’s spoken to the psychologist that Kurt refuses to see, and told not to pressure him. To give him space, but also to be there. It all seems perfectly logical. It doesn’t make it any easier though.

            They’re on the sofa, Kurt’s feet are rested against the side of his leg. If it was his Kurt he’d have demanded a foot massage by now, or started rubbing Dave’s cock with his foot through his pants. Instead his feet are to the side, just touching his thigh, and despite the fact that he knows Kurt’s feet are like foot-shaped blocks of ice his leg feels warm.

            “You wear my clothes…” Kurt says suddenly, and he prods his thigh with his big toe. Dave glances down at it and then up at Kurt’s face, puzzled.

            “Uh…no I don’t. Your clothes don’t fit me.”

            “No. I mean, you wear clothes that I’ve made for you.”

            Dave feels his entire body tense. He hasn’t told everything to Kurt, wants to keep some parts back, maybe so he’ll know when Kurt returns to him fully… but maybe he won’t return in one big rushing waterfall. Maybe it will be more like the trickle of a gentle stream. Either way, he hasn’t ever told Kurt that most of his wardrobe has been made by him personally.

            “How do you know that?” His voice sounds rough, and as soon as he asks the question the look on Kurt’s face is instantly apologetic and he knows he hasn’t remembered it.

            “Uh, I figured it out. A while ago actually. I mean, a lot of your clothes are custom made, and don’t have care labels, so I just…figured that I probably made them for you.”

            “I…yeah. You’re right. You did. It kind of started out as a joke. You were complaining about my clothes and I said you should just dress me how you wanted and then…you did.”

            “Oh. Do you mind?”

            “Do you think I’d have a wardrobe full of clothes if I did?”

            “Yeah,” Kurt replies, and he looks a bit saddened.

            Dave bursts out laughing, because Kurt’s right, even if he hated the clothes, he’d still let Kurt do it. Kurt’s never made him anything that Dave has felt trepidation about wearing though, although he doesn’t know if he’d place as much faith in the current Kurt. He had some fairly out-there ideas.

            “I like the clothes just fine. You’ve never made me anything that I hate. I have favourites of course.”

            “I like the forest green one with the lighter green stitching.”

            “Yeah, it’s your favourite,” Dave says, and he’s not sure if it’s just a coincidence, or whether Kurt is slowly returning to him.

KHDK

            Kurt could tell Dave was disappointed that he had only figured out about the clothes, rather than remembering. And he has to admit it to himself that he’s starting to get equally frustrated. He feels like he’s tried everything, and he’s started looking up alternate possibilities. He’s dreamed again, and he knows now that it’s definitely something he’s remembering, but it’s loud and scary, and somehow has something to do with Dave, but he’s not sure how. The glimpses are frustratingly short, shrouded in fog almost and he’s woken a couple of times and had to punch his pillow in frustration. He’s thought that maybe that first kiss with Dave is what has started this sequence of dreams, which is part of the reason why he’s started kissing him. He likes kissing him though, and Dave lets him, although he’s really starting to want Dave to initiate some of the kisses. He gets that he’s uncomfortable, but he’s getting to the point where he might scream. He wants… _more_. He’s not sure exactly what though, because he’s still a little freaked out by the whole sex thing, but he’s becoming less and less freaked out each time he kisses Dave.

            So he’s dealing with dual doses of frustration, and the fact that Dave seems so cool, calm and collected is profoundly irritating at times. He feels like throwing a bitch fit, yelling and screaming about the unfairness of it all, how he has an awesome life and he can’t even remember any of it. Instead he buries himself in his sewing room. Makes clothes and sketches. Walks around New York in awe that he now lives here. Talks to his boss, because despite his current lack of a qualification he still has an eye for what looks good. When he finds himself buying fabric for a shirt for Dave he sighs and completes the purchase.

            The dreams start coming every night, and none of them are as shocking or as terrifying as the first, but he still can’t retain any of the images. He gives up on sleep one night, instead getting up and going into his sewing room. His haven. He closes the door quietly and sets to work, mind not on what he’s really doing, just wanting to be distracted from the constant sense of trying to catch water in a sieve. He doesn’t know how long he’s been working, but he hasn’t heard the door open, or noticed Dave standing there, watching.

             “Couldn’t sleep huh?” Dave asks, and his arms are crossed over his bare chest and Kurt shakes his head, looking down at the fabric in his hands. “You always used to come in here when you were working something over in your head…”

             “Really?”

             “Yeah. Look, Kurt…are you remembering things?”

            “I…don’t know…” Kurt says, and it’s a broken whisper. “It’s like…the last ten years is a roll of film, and someone has cut it all up frame by frame, and I don’t know what’s a memory, or something you or Finn or my dad have told me, or a photo I’ve looked at… it’s confusing… and _scary_ …There are some things which I’m sure are a memory, but then I’ll remember seeing a photo and I know I’m not remembering at all. That it’s not _real_. And I want to remember so badly, but it’s just this collection of half-developed pictures, sometimes mixed up with clips from other films and I just feel so _useless_ …”

            He’s crying as he talks, and he sounds barely coherent to his own ears but Dave has moved to stand beside him, wrapped his arms around him and Kurt lets himself sag slightly against his strength. Dave’s hand is rubbing soothing circles on his back and Kurt likes the physical contact, that Dave has comforted him automatically. He rests his head on Dave’s shoulder, trying for deep calming breaths as Dave talks.

            “Fuck Kurt…don’t put so much pressure on yourself. It’s ten years of memories. It would be a flood of information and emotions and…everything.  Just… go easy on yourself okay? What are you making anyway?”

            “Uh…” Kurt pulls back and Dave’s arms immediately loosen, which he doesn’t like, wants them back around him. He looks down at the fabric in his hands and for the first time realises it’s the fabric he bought the day before. “It’s meant to be a shirt for you…”

            He shakes it out, and it’s all pieced together, almost finished in fact. It needs button holes and buttons, as well as the final hem, which he picks at before looking up at Dave’s eyes, which are searching his face.

            “Where did you get my measurements?”

            “Um…I didn’t. I mean… I just… made it.”

            The significance of the words hang in the air between them, and Kurt feels a thrill of excitement that he apparently knows Dave’s measurements subconsciously. Dave is tugging the shirt out of his hands and putting it on, his eyes never leaving Kurt’s. The shirt is a perfect fit, it hangs off his shoulders, if the right length for his arms and Kurt can tell the collar is the right circumference and the entire shirt is the right length.

            “ _Perfect_ …” Kurt breaths, because it’s something tangible, something _real_ , something that tells him while he might not be able to remember everything, some part of his brain is ticking over and filing things away where they’re meant to belong. Dave’s mouth on his takes his by surprise for all of a second before he’s kissing him back, allowing his fingers to run down the open shirt, running back up underneath the shirt, fingers tracing over bare skin that he’s never touched before. Dave is firm and warm and strong, but above all of that he’s gentle.

KHDK

            Dave can’t believe it, that it’s actually finally happening, that there has been some sign of Kurt’s memories returning. To some it might seem like a small thing, but it’s finally seeing the tiny flicker of light at the end of the tunnel after nearly six months of solid walking. And even if the tunnel is still miles long, knowing that that light is there will make the journey all the more worthwhile.

            Kissing Kurt had been automatic, his hands going to his hips while Kurt’s hands explored his chest. Something both versions of Kurt seem fascinated by. He flicks his tongue out and Kurt’s mouth opens in response, and he feels his fists grasp at the shirt, his body swaying forward and Dave pulls back, needing to make sure, needing to know what Kurt wants before he gets carried away. Kurt lets out an annoyed sound at the loss of lips and his eyes open to glare at him and Dave can’t help but grin. Seeing Kurt glare at him, be annoyed with him… it’s a welcome sight. One he hasn’t seen in too long.

            “You okay with this?”

            “Uh…what’s _this_ exactly?”

            “Whatever you want…” Dave replies, and he means it. If Kurt wants to make out, great. If Kurt wants to go to bed, he can deal with that. If Kurt wants…more. Well, he’s all up for that too.

            “Um…making out. What we were just doing… is that okay?”

            “More than okay. You just…you’re in charge here okay?”

            Kurt nods jerkily and he’s blushing, which Dave finds adorable because Kurt doesn’t blush like that anymore. He lowers his head, letting lips brush across lips feather light and Kurt’s pushing against him, hands skating across his chest again, and Dave places his hands back on his hips, gentle, so that Kurt can pull away the moment he wants to.

            Except there’s no pulling away. Instead Kurt is plastering his body against him, attempting to slide a leg between his rather ungracefully and Dave has to fight the urge to hold him there. He wants to suggest that maybe they move to a bed, but doesn’t want to give Kurt the wrong impression, or pressure him. He kisses thoroughly, revelling in the feel of Kurt’s mouth, the bumps in the roof of his mouth, the extra sensitive spot on his cheek beside his lip. Kurt arches and Dave pulls back to lick a long stripe up the exposed neck, and sure enough, Kurt shudders. He feels a surge of relief, that Kurt’s body is still the same, still reacts the same way.

            “I don’t…I don’t know what I’m doing,” Kurt mutters, eyes closed, but his body doesn’t move away, and he’s grinding against him ever so slightly. Dave drops his mouth to Kurt’s ear, licks and nips the lobe until he feels Kurt shudder against him again. He loves how responsive Kurt is.

            “You do whatever you want and whatever feels right…don’t worry about me okay. I can take care of myself.”

            “I don’t want you to take care of yourself. _I_ want to take care of you…” Kurt mutters, and he sounds petulant which just makes Dave smile. His body is moving fluidly now, rutting against his thigh, and Dave can feel the warm hardness through the thin fabric of his pyjama bottoms.

            “I’m not going to complain, but I just thought…this first time…you just…go whatever pace you need.”

            “I’ve been thinking of this… thinking of you… wanting you. I just… I’m scared I’m going to do it wrong.”

            Dave’s eyes close at the vulnerability in Kurt’s voice and he scatters kisses over his face and neck. He’s wearing his full pyjamas, buttons done up to the neck and Dave has to smile.

            “You could never do this wrong Kurt. Never.”

            Dave slips his hand between their bodies, to the front of Kurt’s pyjama pants, and he means for the touch to be soft, so he can ask if it’s okay, but Kurt lets out a soft moan and thrusts into his hand. Dave bites back a matching moan, because it’s been too long since he’s seen Kurt like this.

            He palms Kurt’s cock through the fabric, watching Kurt’s face, his eyes squeezed shut, mouth open, tongue darting out to wet his lips. He kisses him, only holding back a small part, enough to pay attention to Kurt if he suddenly pulls away or makes a sound of distress. All he gets from Kurt is the thrust of eager tongue into his mouth, fingers tugging his chest hair and when he goes back to kissing Kurt’s neck he can hear mumbled ‘ _oh fucking hell’_ s under Kurt’s breath. He works his hand faster, hoping that Kurt won’t regret this in the morning, or fuck, in a few minutes. He can feel the wetness of pre-come, the tell-tale tautness of Kurt’s body against his and knows that he’s close.

            When Kurt comes a few minutes later Dave watches, enthralled. The bitten lip, eyes blown wide, the almost drunk and dazed look Kurt gets on his face as he comes, as if it’s a surprise each time. He watches as Kurt blinks slowly, eyes refocusing on the room. On him.

             “I love you,” Dave says, giving him a short kiss, and he realises he hasn’t said it aloud to him once since he woke up. “I love you.”

             “I know. I love you too. All over again,” Kurt murmurs quietly, and he’s blushing furiously and Dave realises he’s probably sticky, uncomfortable and suddenly shy. Especially with the words thrown in there. He can’t resist another kiss though, before pulling back.

            “You should probably go shower…change your pyjamas. Try and get back to sleep…”

             “Yeah. A shower sounds good. Um. Will you…uh…”

             “Do you want me to come to bed with you?”

            Kurt nods, looking relieved that he doesn’t have to voice his request out loud and Dave nods and smiles. He’s going to need a shower himself, so he sends Kurt to his bedroom and en suite while he heads to the main bathroom, telling Kurt he’ll be in bed shortly. As he undresses he fingers the fine fabric of the shirt and smiles, because everything is actually going to be alright.

KHDK

            Kurt wakes the next morning with Dave’s arms around him and he grins, because it feels good, and even if his memory takes years to return, he knows that it _is_ returning, and he can live with that. He allows his body to act on instinct, placing a hand on Dave’s chest, and it feels significant somehow, he doesn’t know why, just that it causes Dave to smile in his sleep, and maybe that’s why it is significant. Although it also apparently makes Dave wake up.

            “Morning…” Dave says, and his voice is gravelly and deep and Kurt likes the sound.

            “Hi. Sleep well?” He feels embarrassed. Knows he shouldn’t really, but can’t help it.

            “Yeah. Best I’ve slept in a long time…” he replies, and his smile is soft and lingering, and Kurt feels warmth flood him as he understands. Dave slept well because he’s back in his own bed. With him. He’s glad Dave understood what he was trying to ask last night without the need for him to say the words.

            That day while Dave is at work he moves all of his things into _their_ bedroom. When Dave comes home and sees the empty guest room Kurt knows he’s got his message across loud and clear. He might not be ready for anything more than exploratory hand jobs for now, but he’s not giving up sleeping with Dave’s arms wrapped around him.

KHDK

_He hears a screech of tyres, the loud on-going sound of a car horn before the crunch of metal, the shattering crash of glass as it rains down and the popping sound of an airbag inflating. He feels sick, the words ‘Just come home safe’ repeating in his ears, and he’s terrified that he’s never going to see him again, terrified that the last words to him are going to be about not eating takeout for dinner, rather than words of love. The sound of sirens and Dave’s face floating in front of him. ‘Just come home safe.’_

Kurt blinks awake in the dark, and stares into the darkness, a slow smile gracing his lips. He reaches out and places a hand on Dave’s chest, right over his heart so he can feel the strong steady beat.

            “I’m finally home safe.”

 

** THE END **


End file.
